The one where I counted the years

A Norman Rockwell moment on a frozen part of the river yesterday.

This year will mark thirteen years of my life living in Korea.  In some way, the number thirteen is appropriate in my reflections on all that I have done and has been done to me while away from my homeland.  When a person comes to a foreign country, adjusting to the new culture will take some time.  If you talk to expats in Korea, you might get the impression that none of us ever really adjusts to Korean culture.  You would be only partially right.  There is a point to which we will adjust and comply with cultural norms here, but we usually don't go beyond that point.  The line drawn in the kimchi is different for each of us, though, and sometimes those who are willing to go further look condescendingly on those of us not willing to go as far.   When dealing directly with Korean people, we all try not to be offensive; we take off our shoes in those places where it is expected, we bow when appropriate, we defer to elders, we pass objects with both hands when possible, we sit on the floor at restaurants, we don't take off our shirts in hot weather, we don't let others pour their own drinks, and we try not to get rice in the common soup bowl at table.  Korean culture is beautiful when observed, and once you become accustomed to it, it becomes a beautiful part of your life.  It has a positive effect on your self-esteem.  Despite that, though, we are not Korean.  We were not nursed from birth in all the sensibilities of the culture.  As in all cultures, there is the deep and invisible force of something no outsider can grasp.  A look in the eye may mean nothing to a foreigner while to a native, it conveys profound significance.  There is one word, a question word, that escapes the outsider's lips at times, that expresses his or her frustration or simple wonder at the behavior of the Korean people.  That word is "why".  It is just a question, and we wouldn't ask the question if we didn't care about the answer.  Trying to understand is honorable, even if the answer eventually proves inadequate.  To ask "why" is what we expats have done all our lives, not just here in Korea.  Trying to find meaning and reason in the face of perplexity is valuable to us.  If we can find peace of mind by asking "why", then so be it.  Encourage us.  Help us.  But please don't beleaguer us with disdain.