Facebook is that social wildfire that has caught us all up with the people from our past and keeps us ever aware of the shiny trinkets of civilization that grab the attention of our friends, family, and acquaintances. What have I learnt from my time on Facebook? First, my Facebook friends and I really don't hold the same views on much of anything. Some unfriended me early on when my liberal values appeared on my timeline, but others just decided to edit what they see and exclude me from their timelines. We don't see each other's postings, and that includes all the neutral things like outings in the park, trips to faraway lands, and even those cute photos of my darling cats. So why stay Facebook friends?
Facebook is just reflecting real life. We grew apart and lost touch for reasons that our Facebook moments just iterate again and again. We have little to nothing in common except that we attended the same college or the same high school or served in the same unit in the army or worked in the same department. The memories are both good and bad. Did I think Facebook would erase the bad ones or make new good ones? I think I did.
Reflecting on why I started doing Facebook, it was probably curiosity mixed with nostalgia. Maybe some part of me thought it was possible to pick up where we left off all those years ago. That's unrealistic, and I should have known it. The past is what it was and can't be frozen and thawed later like a delicious lasagna. Each one of us moved on in the directions we chose. Our paths crossed once for a time, but then we crossed other paths, and the web of our social intercourse grew with a life of its own, mostly out of our control, widening every year the gaps and chasms between us. I need to let the past be on its own terms. It's foolish to impose my current condition upon what was, hoping to relive a happy moment here and there.
There is another reason for me to leave Facebook. I have never been able to make solid social connections. I can't build lasting personal relationships. It's a flaw that a very small percentage of people have, and try as I might, it's just not going to get fixed.
Facebook gives me the illusion of social connection. It is a sort of plaster over my flaw that allowed me to pretend I had personal relationships with these people. The reason I can't build personal relationships isn't clear, but it manifests itself with impatience and impertinence, often with acerbic attempts to make myself look clever or even better than others. The people on my Facebook should not be subjected to my little insults, my partisan banner waving and condescending attitude toward their religious faiths. I love them all, but they would never know it from how I behave.
Leaving Facebook is from disappointment with myself and my lack of discipline. There are many places online where a person can be partisan, join in political debate, be a loud-mouthed asshole and ridicule the ideas of others. Facebook is not that place, but I did it anyway. I was the drunk uncle at Thanksgiving dinner ruining it for everybody else, and it pains me.
1 comment:
I can't tell you how much I will miss you! You are the one who makes me think, really think, about what I hold dear and why. I love your insights on the English language (Where else on EARTH will I see that?) and human nature. Your views and mine differ dramatically, yet you never seem to get angry about it. I am truly going to miss you, my friend. You are always in my heart.
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